1) I am older than Jello.
2) I type like a Ninja.
3) I smell good.
4) I have the best food in the world.
5) I am the funniest grandma ever.
6) I should never waste time by ironing.
7) I invented FB.
8) My voice sounds better after coffee.
9) My hair always looks better frosted.
9) My hair always looks better red.
10)My hair always looks better black.
11)My hair always looks better brown.
12)My hair always looks better after I brush it.
13)My lasagna is better than chocolate milk.
14)If you look tired and spacey, you’re probably a pothead.
15)If the doctor calls, hang up.
16)Pizza is healthy.
17)Candy is healthy if it’s fruit flavored.
18)If you play a game and you lose, it’s okay to cry but only for 6 seconds.
19)Real men do cry, cause Jesus was a man and HE cried.
20)Elvis really is the coolest singer ever.
21)If you mix sweet tea, diet coke and orange juice, it looks yucky but doesn’t taste too bad.
22)If you love your dog, then she shouldn’t have to eat that dry stuff out of the bag.
23)Boys don’t wear jewelry, ever.
24)If you step on a crack it will not break your mother’s back.
25)Ramen is the best when you put an ice cube in it.
26)Strawberry-Rhubarb pie will not give you the runny poops, peanut butter fudge might.
27)If you are allergic to peanuts, you can’t eat anything with peanuts in the ingredients. Just read the bag and be sure.
28)Jesus loves everybody, even Judas and vampires, but vampires aren’t real so maybe not.
29)Red is the best color of all the thousands of colors. Yes, there are thousands cause you can just mix up a new one whenever you want.
30)Aunt Judy has the softest cheeks in the whole world. Theo said so and Tristan tested the theory.
31)You can get a time-out for picking a leaf off of a bush at school.
32)You can make a float out of chocolate ice cream and diet Mt. Dew, but you won’t like it.
33)Honey dew is made from spreading honey out on the grass at night and in the morning – voila – honey dew.
34)Piglet’s Big Movie is just like us only the end is so sad.
35)If you tell a lie, before you say another word you must say, I’m sorry, that was a lie.
36)When you are tired and sick the best pillows in the world are at your grandma’s house.
37)If you ever meet someone named Seth you might not like them.
38)The back of my hand looks pretty old, but if I just turn it over, I look 12 again.
39)Hairspray is good if you ever need a helmet. I apparently wear one all the time.
40)The only thing worth going to school for is PE. Everything else is just terrible, even the food.
41)If you pinch a penny, you just end up with that dude’s face on your thumb!
42)When someone buys you a lot of stuff that doesn’t mean they love you. It means they want you to stay busy.
43)If you are too noisy, you are a distraction. If you are too quiet, same thing, cause everyone bothers you to see what’s wrong.
44)My smile is like Skittles hanging on a Christmas tree. It doesn’t get any better that that!
45)A day without sweet kisses is like being asleep and having a nightmare, except you are awake and going to school and stuff.
46)If you pray quietly in your heart, the person you are praying for can hear you.
47)When soccer season is over, even if you didn’t win a single game, it’s okay to celebrate. After all – it’s over!
48)Christmas is all about Jesus, but He has lots of parts: Love, Joy, Sharing, Laughing, and lots of Hugs.
49)When you are sick, if you just whisper, “Jesus”, you’ll feel better just like that! (Illustrated with a snap)
50)When Thanksgiving Day arrives, it’s not just the regular things you can be thankful for. School is out for a few days, too, and it’s okay to thank God for that, as well.
51)If someone you really, really love smiles at you or makes you laugh, it is a gift better than cleaning your house.
52)Kicking the bucket is not fatal. However, it can break your toe.
53)You shouldn’t ask for things all the time, but it’s okay to point out what you really, really, really like!
54)Being at your Grammy’s house is kind of like Heaven. Except when you go to Heaven, you see Jesus instead of just feeling HIM, and you will see people in Heaven you have never seen before. You already know everybody at Grammy’s house.
55) Sometimes, if you mix paint colors together it turns our really pretty and other times, it’s not. Don’t put the ugly color on your picture. You can always start over and mix up a new batch.
56) If someone says, “Yo, bro, waddup?” you should say “We speaks the King’s English”.
57) Monday morning comes earlier than any other morning of the week.
58) If you hang out with ‘undesirables’ you’ll become one.
59) If you run in front of someone without yelling “Excuse me” you may get hit with a grocery cart and that hurts!
60) If you tell someone a really funny joke and they don’t laugh, maybe they just need a hug instead.
61) If one eye gets injured, well, you still have one good eye and that is better than no eyes. But when it comes to gumballs, two is def better than one.
62) You could just leave the maters out of the Marinara sauce. Hey, you could call it Alfredo sauce, then.
63) Chocolate covered almonds are awesome but putting walnuts in fudge is just weird.
64) Tic Tacs are church candy. Lifesavers are not!
65) If you put 4 Tic Tac Power Mints in your mouth at once and chew them up not only will you burn up your tastebuds but your nose hair will flat fall out!
66) If you eat too much rice with soy sauce before bed ~ it will give you bad dreams, a tummy ache and gas.
67) A University is simply a collage of colleges!
68) Saving money requires patience AND money. And if you’re saving for a 2DS it takes a lot of patience and a lot of money and he don’t have much of either.
69) You can add any seasoning to chicken noodle soup, but it gets hard to take something back out.
70) If he opens a restaurant, he’s going to call it ‘Grammy’s Kitchen’ cause that’s the best food and he’ll make lots of money.
71) There is too much importance placed on making money.
72) If you have Jesus, you have love, and that’s pretty good stuff right there.
73) He took a walk through my mind and saw heartbreak.
74) All food is good, except mushrooms, peanuts, guacamole and peas.
75) Ramen is college kid soup and should be made in the coffee pot cause that’s the only appliance they probably have.
76) Though he can hardly believe it, his mama is older than Olive Garden!